


Me and My Heart, We'll make it through

by flowersforlukey



Series: Stone Cold [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Arzaylea is only mentioned, Bali muke, Boys Kissing, Established Relationship, Lovers, Luke does something unexpected, M/M, Romance, don't worry she isn't actually in there, maybe like two or three times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 11:38:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6703165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersforlukey/pseuds/flowersforlukey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Wait for me,” Luke says, almost a whisper, like he’s hiding a secret only he and best friend know. There’s some kind of nuance when he says this because all of the sudden, his hands around Michael’s neck begin to shake and there are evident tears pooling in his eyes yet he refuses to let them fall. </p>
<p>“I will,” and Luke finally breaks when Michael says this. The crispy Bali wind that continues to blow around them turns cold as Luke pulls his lover into his arms, cheeks drenched in tears and two hearts pounding in their own rhythm. “I promise you.”</p>
<p>They’re on their two-week break in Bali when Luke takes Michael out for a much more different dinner and drives him to the nearby beach. It happens on the night before Luke’s life takes drastic turns and abrupt changes, so Luke says fuck it and thinks that he might as well hold onto the most important person he’s never imagined of losing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Me and My Heart, We'll make it through

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm back with Bali muke for all of ya'll who seem to miss it. Also, if you don't like reading something which includes Arzaylea, don't be afraid to read this. She's not in this, I swear. But read this please bc idk it made me so emotional lmao
> 
> Title is from Stone Cold by Demi Lovato.

 

“This place is nice,” Luke muses once he gets a foot inside the vast space of their room. They just arrived from their four-hour plane trip from the Sydney airport for their two-week break in the seacoast of Bali. It’s something that’s still quite new to them because not only they’re given the chance to travel in one of the places in Asia; they’re also getting paid by _ponder_ to do so.

He drops the bags in his hands before he moves them to the bed and takes a better view of the place. Outside the open windows are tall Jati trees towering over dense forests and Balinese plants covering the elevated landscapes, with signs of the main resort area not far from view. The _Semara Beach House_ they’re supposed to stay in comes in a form of bamboo construction and is also in an elevated area. Luke takes his time to look around the place until he smiles over the sight of white bed sheets covering the silky mattresses.

“Nice? You’re gonna have to do better than that.” Calum shakes his head and walks over to the middle of the room where Luke was standing, throwing an arm around his broad shoulders in the process. “This place is fucking awesome!”

Luke laughs at that because _it is awesome_ , he thinks, and the both of them were silent just before Ashton joins them with a wide grin on his face added with a pat on their backs. “Bottle up the doubt; I honestly didn’t think it would be this great here. The water looks good for swimming, look!”

Luke laughs again and moves away to unpack.

“Well, go on and thank Mikey for all of this.” The oldest of the three speaks up once the younger two turn their backs at him. Ashton shrugs and scans the homelike place as well. “Must say, he’s got a great taste in choosing places to crash in for our getaways.”

When Luke hears the fair mention of the name of the person who hasn’t spoken a word since they first got in here, he looks up and sees a tall figure with a mass of red hair moving behind the drapes that covered the balcony. Luke doesn’t take his eyes off the sight.

“Got a great view out there, Mike?”

“Hm, what?” It’s Ashton’s voice and the redhead’s faraway answer that snaps Luke out of his headspace, causing him to flinch but remain his gaze on the figure standing in the balcony. Michael turns to the source of sound, and Luke’s breath gets caught in his throat when he meets his eye because there, it’s happening again. Green meeting blue, and Luke’s surprised at how knots still manage to tie themselves inside his stomach even though he knows that this would probably never stop happening. “Oh. Um, yeah. It’s great here.”

The four of them let the conversation drown out before they parted into their own places in the room and started to unpack.

It’s half an hour later when Luke shoves the last piece of his underwear and pulls out his phone from his pocket and receives a text. It’s from his girlfriend, telling him that she’s about to arrive in the morning after and that he should come and pick her up. He types in a quick reply and crashes on the bed before turning to the oldest of the four.

“Hey Ash, can you drive me to the airport tomorrow?”

“You’re leaving already?” Ashton jokes, chuckling a bit. “Aren’t you enjoying the place Michael has chosen for you?”

Luke shakes his head at the mention of the redhead’s name.

“No, it’s just, Arzaylea—“

“Who, that girl?” Calum scoffs from across the room. “Please don’t tell me she’s gonna be here to leak even more shit.”

“Fuck off, Cal. She’s my girlfriend.”

Luke tries to ignore the incoherent sound Michael makes while closing his suitcase.

“Well then, make sure your _girlfriend_ won’t be stupid and ruin things for us, okay? It’s getting tired to look at, honestly.”

A short stretch of silence fills the atmosphere before it gets broken by Ashton standing up and walking to the door with Michael trailing wordlessly behind him.

“Let me know when her plane’s about to land, if that’s the case.” Ashton says, turning to grab the doorknob but pauses to look at the other blonde. “And shower ahead of time. We don’t want her waiting for quite long, do we?”

“Actually, we do.”

“Don’t be rude, Calum.”

“Hey, where are you going?” Luke perks up, only seeming to realize that the other two were about to leave the room without them. Luke _always_ comes with them.

“They’re gonna look for food,” Calum grumbles beside him, and Luke figures that Calum also wants to argue the fact that they were leaving without them. “Don’t forget my burgers, Ashton, I swear to god!”

“This is Bali, Calum. There _are_ no burgers!”

“Then drive around and find me some! _Jesus._ ”

Luke shakes his head at the comical exchange that occurred between the two, his heart missing two beats when he catches the redhead passing through the door, glancing at the blonde for a second before he disappears completely.

 

***

 

It’s dark and overcast; crispy cold air blowing the waves of the seacoast outside and it’s already past dinner time. Luke tries to ignore the fact that Michael still hasn’t come out of his room to relive what he has lost for the past few hours of sitting inside a shitty plane with shitty airplane food. After they had finished their dinner and Ashton decided to take care of the dishes, Luke makes a beeline toward the hallways to look for Michael’s room.

Only, he doesn’t find it sooner. He pulls out his phone and sends the redhead a quick text asking where his room was. Luke slumps on the wall to wait but when he doesn’t get a reply from him a few seconds later, he decides to look through the halls incase he’d be able to find him.

And he does find him after knocking on random doors and pushing himself inside to find it empty. He sees the door situated at the end of a hallway perpendicular to the nearby hotel elevator. It’s secluded and quite small; Luke figures that it’s because Calum and Ashton chose to share a bigger room and Michael ended up bunking in with no one. The blonde himself wasn’t able to bunk in with Michael anyway, no matter how much he protests because he still had to share a room with his girlfriend for the next few days.

Luke brings a hand close to the door and knocks on it quietly. For a moment he becomes worried that Michael wouldn’t be able to hear it but then there are footsteps heard from the other side of the door, and it continues to get louder until Michael appears in the doorway in nothing but a pair of sweatpants and a small scowl on his face.

“Yeah?”

Luke gulps and tries to tear his eyes from the older boy standing in front of him because he suddenly forgets what he was supposed to say and his head is slightly fucking itself up just because of what he’s seeing.

“Stop staring.”

“Sorry,” and he’s not at all sorry about the situation but he manages to tear his gaze away and brings it back to those green eyes that he’s already fallen for. “It’s just that… you haven’t eaten yet, and I was wondering if you wanted to, you know.”

“What?”

“I dunno, eat?” he shrugs.

Michael sighs and drops his eyes to the carpet beneath them, “yeah, it’s not actually that of a big deal.” And it’s quite obvious that he’s not really feeling it at the moment even though he doesn’t know why so Luke shuts up and tries to say something that hopefully wouldn’t sound so stupid once it comes out from his mouth.

Instead of answering, Luke reaches out a hand and Michael is quick to let his eyes land on it.

“What is this?”

“Let me take you out.” It’s rushed and Luke knows it. He doesn’t seem fazed by it all as everything rolls from his tongue on a whim, and Luke likes to believe that the statement came out from the sudden confidence that’s already pushing him over the edge. Michael meets his eye and quirks an eyebrow, and Luke dreads the fact that Michael could be misinterpreting it wrong so he’s quick to add, “I mean, to dinner… just so you could, you know.”

“Luke,” his voice is bold and stiff, and Michael gives him a look. Luke uses all of his willpower to read what the older boy was trying to tell him but he fails nonetheless. It’s like a small little warning for the blonde, as if he has crossed a line somewhere Michael told him not to. It takes a few more seconds before Michael sighs again, face falling and eyes fixed on the blonde. “You know that we can’t. We already talked about this before, remember?”

“What do you mean that we can’t?”

“Luke,” Michael heaves out another sigh, long and desperate. He’s looking at the blonde like he’s gone crazy or something, like he’s begging for him to catch on because _god, he needs to understand._ Luke’s staring back right into his eyes but his gaze is full of perplexity so Michael takes the silence to break the ice and entrusts his mouth to speak the words.

“You already have a girlfriend, Luke. I—we can’t just… _go out_ like we did before.”

And just like that, it hits Luke right in the head. Of-fucking-course. He takes in the sight of Michael watching him with uncertainty and sees how his eyes turn into a darker color like how they both felt before. The unspoken words hang heavily in the atmosphere between them, and Luke wants to say them all, to break the ice just like how Michael did, and to cross the line until he brings the things back to the way they were before.

Michael was right; they can’t just do that. Luke himself can’t. There’s pain to every time he longs for the memories they created, memories of themselves together just before they both became broken by a simple but firm mistake. It still feels so raw, like the pain they had to endure only occurred yesterday.

Luke feels as if he’s never getting those memories back. Things are changing; Michael’s starting to act more like his best friend now than how he acted before. A million times he never wished to say this, but Michael’s already turning away from him, in respect to the consequences to the right choice they never wanted to make.

“I can’t do that anymore, Luke. We already agreed to stop.”

“Just one more time, Mikey.” He’s pleading now, but he doesn’t care because Luke seems to be too caught up in his head to even realize the words he had been saying. Michael shakes his head and moves to close the door but Luke stops him from doing so. “Please.”

“No, Luke. This isn’t right.” Michael pulls the door but Luke continues to stop him. Michael sighs and looks at him like he actually wants to go but something just happens to stop him. They spend a moment of just staring at each other like they’re lying between life and death but the long stretch of silence is broken when Michael looks at him intently and speaks in a wavering voice. “She’s going to be here for you in less than a day, Luke. I-I don’t want her to think that—“

“If you knew that she was going to be stuck with me tomorrow and until the next few months, you would want to at least spend the last night you have with me, wouldn’t you?” Luke says, effectively cutting him off. There’s a look in his face that screams his name, and Michael couldn’t help but realize that this _could_ be their last night together, as two people with feelings, at least. Luke draws him back to reality. “We have one night left, Michael. _One night._ ”

“I know.”

“Just come with me,” he pleads again, eyes boring into Michael’s deeply. A tender feeling rises in his chest and Luke feels the burn spreading like wildfire. Michael drops his hand from the doorknob and lets it fall to his side. “We have all the time in the world tonight.”

“Actually, we don’t.” A small chuckle escapes Michael’s lips and the blonde shoots him a smile. Luke nearly forgets that he’s so far gone for this boy, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t even think he’ll forget it any sooner.

 

***

 

They’re in a somewhat expensive Balinese restaurant that’s not that far from the resort. Luke steals some keys and uses someone’s car to drive the both of them to the nearby restaurant that the receptionist had told them about. Luke realizes a moment later that they’re fortunate enough to not have some fans waiting for them in the drive way, because when they get to the designated place, people hardly recognize them and this gave Luke the courage to hold the car door for Michael and walk into the room hand-in-hand with the redhead.

“I already got the apartment, if you were wondering.” Michael says when the waitress brings their food to the table and the pair starts to dig into their dinner. The atmosphere inside the vast room is quiet apart from the chatter coming from the people around them before Michael swallows the small chunk of beef and clears his throat to speak again. “It’s got this huge bedroom, two baths, a kitchen connected to the lounging area, and this sick balcony that I didn’t hesitate to choose because _god_ , the view from the second floor is honestly awesome.”

Luke stares at his friend, frowning at the sudden choice of topic. If Michael isn’t purposely rambling about finally getting the apartment he and Luke were _supposed_ to share, Luke doesn’t know what is.

When Michael remains silent in the next second, Luke takes a gulp of the water in his hands before turning to Michael. “You know I can’t move in with you, Mike.”

“I know,” Michael nods, keeping things nonchalant. He keeps his gaze fixed on the platter of beef and mashed potatoes beneath him. “You would’ve loved it though.”

Luke doesn’t say anything for a minute, allowing the thick silence to spread in the distance between them with sounds of silverware clacking against each other hanging in the atmosphere.

“Are you happy?” Michael asks out of nowhere, and the question is directed at Luke because there’s no one else. Luke is taken a back for a second but quickly looks up at the redhead before turning to his food. Michael thinks he’s hit a soft spot inside the blonde.

“I’m happy when I’m with you.” Luke knows it doesn’t exactly answer the question, but he thinks it’s hopefully fair enough because he hears the older boy emit a snort while he keeps his head hung low, refusing to say anything else.

Michael casts him a look. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Luke is silent for a moment, just looking down at his food like they’re more interesting than the beautiful boy in front of him.

“No,” he sighs, as if he’s exasperated. Michael takes the opportunity to properly look at the blonde because Luke makes no move to tear his gaze away from the steak that’s currently devouring his senses. “She’s nice and all, but she isn’t _you,_ for starters.”

A warm feeling spreads across Michael’s chest and he doesn’t even bother to ignore this because it’s been a while since the blonde has said things like this. Things that remind him that Luke happens to care _this much_ for him,

He wants to say that it’s so _cliché_ , but he thinks otherwise because Luke’s looking at him like he’s just seen a whole new light radiating off the redhead himself.

Michael knows that look.

“Are _you_ happy?” Luke questions him, and boom, there it goes. Michael falls apart into a thousand broken pieces because _no,_ he isn’t happy. He isn’t happy that his best friend got himself attached to this gorgeous brunette who’s supposed to be his girlfriend. He isn’t happy that Luke doesn’t have a choice but go with the plan of _dating_ someone else who isn’t Michael. He isn’t happy that the redhead can do nothing but watch as Luke leaves him for someone he doesn’t even want, watch  as his whole world falls apart to his feet and be _fine_ with it all even though he’ll forever crave those kisses and hugs and touches he can _never_ get used to.

So no, he isn’t happy.

“No.” And it’s such a simple thing to say but Michael doesn’t seem to care at all. He’s smiling; the corners of his lips lifting a little until it becomes obvious that Michael is definitely faking it, and he’s doing it so, _so_ well.

Luke loses it once he hears the word tumble out of Michael’s lips. He’s full on frowning now, hands stilling in their movement as he eyes the redhead who’s also desperately trying to hold it in.

“Why?”

Michael uses the fork to pick on his abandoned beef.

“Because you’re not here.”

Luke nearly cries and lets the tears pooling in his eyes fall when he hears Michael say this because he’s there, sitting on the chair in front of him, and leaning away from the table as he rubs both hands over his eyes while Luke watches the movement intently. It takes him a moment to notice the slight waver in the redhead’s voice, how he sounded so miserable before he closed his mouth and shut his eyes as if he was too embarrassed to show the sadness screaming inside them.

“Mikey,” Luke tries.

“No,” the older boy shakes his head and forces out a laugh that strains Luke’s ears before removing the hands covering his eyes and turns to the blonde as if he’s just finished blinking back the tears.

“It’s whatever, really.”

“Michael.”

“It’s just,” he sighs heavily, and Luke listens. “There are these nights when I just can’t stop myself from thinking about you and how you used to hold me close whenever you slept in my room, and minutes later I’d turn around and find the bed empty and that’s when I’d realize that you’re with someone else, doing that to them.”

Luke keeps his mouth shut for the whole time being because there isn’t anything else to say. Michael already thinks how less hope there is to ever get Luke back—which isn’t that much of a problem because _as long_ as the older boy himself accepted the fact that he’s not with Luke anymore, he should be alright.

Only that he isn’t alright, and Luke could see through him like clear _fucking_ glass and it’s so frustrating for the older boy.

“You know I didn’t have much of a choice left, right?” Luke points out. “Sure, I didn’t want us to end like that, but I’m sure as hell didn’t want the band to fall apart as well. I’m just so fucking lucky that I still have you. Right here, and see you every day. It isn’t enough, but I think it _has_ to be enough.”

“I know,” Michael nods. “I’m fucking lucky too that I could still be with you, but it kills me every time it hits me hard in the head that I just couldn’t call you _mine._ It fucking sucks.”

Luke stands up, but doesn’t say a word. Michael’s eyes search for his face because he has no idea why Luke is just standing up and leaving him like he wasn’t even there in the first place. Luke sure as hell wouldn’t do that though. He loves him too much to even bother.

And it’s _there_ again, when Michael voluntarily holds his hand as they make their way out the door. Knots are tying themselves inside his stomach again and his hand instantly becomes warm when Michael squeezes it. Hard, just as hard as how he’s holding onto the smaller boy for his own dear life.

He isn’t letting go this time.

 

***

 

Luke drives them to a beach; some place he found when they were driving along the curbs of _Bintang Kuta_. It’s starting to get late, and when they both arrive the place, it’s cold and unoccupied, like it was meant for people who used to drive around the place and hide in the beach until the dawn emerged slowly into their mind’s peace and quietness.

Michael holds him along the way, even when they find a spot for themselves between the fractures of sand where the winds were blowing freely and the sight of the sea flowing in its astral-blue smoothness laid across their eyes. And Luke’s smiling, for the first time that night. All he feels, and sees, and hears in the next second is Michael, who has his head resting on top of Luke’s shoulder as they both watch the waves crawling gently to the shore.

“I’ll miss this.”

Michael shivers against him.

“You don’t have to miss anything,” and Luke immediately regrets saying that because both of them know it _isn’t_ true. “You have Calum and Ashton… they can take you here whenever you want.”

Michael shakes his head in disagreement, and moves closer into the embrace when Luke wraps his arms tighter around Michael’s waist. The breeze turns colder as it sweeps against their faces, and Michael finds himself wanting to get warmer so he tucks his head into the blonde’s neck.

“It wouldn’t be the same without you,” he whispers against the skin. “I just want it to be like this, where you’re with me and keeping me warm while the night turns inhumanely cold. I can’t imagine Ashton holding me like you do. His arms are too big and his laugh gets constantly annoying; I would probably leave him on the second we’d get here.”

Luke laughs, because Michael manages to lighten the mood. Apart from that, there really isn’t anything else to laugh about. The atmosphere around them is thick and heavy, and Luke wants nothing but to drown them out from his senses but he’s too busy focusing on how Michael feels pressed against him, or how the smaller boy’s breathing starts to even out as the soft rhythm of his beating heart fills the silence.

“Is she nice?”

“Who?”

“Arz,” Michael whispers, keeping his eyes on the ocean. “Is she nice?”

Luke shrugs. “She’s alright, I guess. I don’t really know her that much.”

“Oh.” Michael pulls away from the blonde and leans onto his knees. “I heard she’s been interacting with the fans.”

“Yeah.” Surprisingly, Luke nods. “I didn’t really have the guts to stop her from doing so, you know? It isn’t like we’re that close because I only get to see her when we have those _meetings_ and such.”

Michael turns to him, and Luke finds himself going still as he stares back into his own. It’s right there… under the shining moonlight cascading down his face, inside his eyes. Luke sees something that pulls him inside and refuses to let go.

He’s felt this way before, just a year and a few months ago when they were still stuck in between album promos and interviews and Luke was always exhausted to even say anything so he had to watch Michael do all the saying for him. It was there, when it all started. It’s been hiding behind Michael’s green irises all along and Luke could still remember the day he found out, while he was alone with the older boy himself, that he really liked looking into Michael’s eyes.

Now, a year and a few months later, Luke allows himself to fall into the depths of the other boy’s eyes. He finds his someone special; someone who not only cares for him, but also treats him like he was the center of his world.

It’s then, that Luke knows falling for his best friend was the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

He stares into Michael’s eyes, seeing all sorts of emotion pass through them. He sees happiness, and feels happiness, because he’s looking right into the eyes of his happiness. _Happy is he,_ Luke thinks, because Michael is who he wants, and who he’ll ever want. Luke isn’t going to want anyone else but him.

Michael’s lips parted as he leaned forward towards him, brushing his lips against Luke’s gently. It’s just a soft brush… nothing like their previous kisses, but in that one kiss, Luke feels his entire body tingle.

“Things aren’t going to change the way you feel about me, right?” Michael asks him once they break apart, leaving just a small distance in between. He flickers his eyes down to the blonde’s lips before gazing at his blue orbs.

“No,” Luke shakes his head, somehow disliking the idea. “Of course not.”

Michael smiles, and it’s enough to make Luke’s heart melt like ice. They’ve kissed before, more often than not, though it’s their first time to kiss after their last one. But that happened weeks ago, and the following weeks after that were consisted of Luke phoning the older boy in between sleepless nights alone in his bed because they had to be separated if they wanted the better to be brought to them.

And here he is, after weeks of not being able to get physically close to Michael, he finally gets to kiss him again. He wants to try and savor those lips he’ll never get tired of kissing, and just feel them forever against his own so they never have to break apart, but of course, Luke knows it isn’t possible.

He wants to make a move again, but Michael is already leaning closer until his breath fans over Luke’s face so he isn’t really the type to complain. However when he gets close enough that Luke thinks he could probably smash their lips any second now, he hears the sound of feet quickly shuffling to get away and the _fucker_ actually leaves Luke hanging without notice if it wasn’t for the sand that’s thrown into his face.

Luke gets up right away, obviously frustrated at his dick of a friend (maybe _more_ than a friend, but no one has to know about that) that he decides to chase right after him until he stops in his track because he’s exhausted as hell and he’s just come back from a seventeen-hour flight from LA and now he’s suddenly chasing someone in the middle of the beach, so no one could really judge him for that.

“Michael!” Luke shouts toward the other boy, panting when he gets the chance. “You can’t just come running off like that!”

“Oh, come on Luke! Stop being a dick and chase after me!”

“Fuck off, Michael! If anything, you’re the dick for doing that!”

“I thought you liked my dick!”

“Yeah but that doesn’t count!”

Michael falls to the sand laughing his ass off with his long pale arms clutching his stomach. And the sight of him looks good because he’s still got his rubber flip flops on and he’s lying on his ass on the _sand_ and he wouldn’t actually be able to get up and run even if he tried so Luke sees the chance.

Luke runs to him as fast as he could but Michael doesn’t actually have enough time to react so when he first notices the blonde’s body lurching onto him, he’s already being crushed by the body pining him to the ground while skilled fingers made their way to his sides as Luke did the most evil thing he could ever think of right now.

“No, stop!” Michael actually shrieks, _shrieks,_ but Luke ignores him and continues tickling his sides. Michael laughs even harder, if that were even possible. “Stop, Luke! Fuck, get off me!”

Michael pushes him off, surprisingly, and gets away from the blonde at least five feet before Luke catches him again, wrapping his arms around his waist tightly and pulling him back so he was pressed against Luke’s chest. Michael wouldn’t get away now even if he tried.

Michael laughs loudly, and Luke loses himself in the sound. Michael’s laugh is beautiful, and there aren’t any exact words that could describe how perfect it sounded. Luke loves it when Michael laughs, and loves it even more when he knows he’s the reason for creating such a beautiful sound because the way how his raspy octaves mixes with the soft one warms up his insides.

It gets better when Michael turns around and looks at him. He looks at him as if he’s got someone on his face that’s making him ugly and hairy and far-too unattractive but it’s alright because Michael has a smile ghosting on his face that Luke’s pretty sure has mirrored his own and he feels it again. _Happy_ , like he has everything he’s ever wanted in his arms. And he feels happy, because he definitely does.

He has _everything_ he’s ever wanted.

Michael kisses him, short but brief, lips properly colliding with each other for merely three seconds. When Michael pulls away, he’s got a smile on his face but this time, it doesn’t mirror Luke’s because he isn’t even smiling. It doesn’t bother Michael that much though, seeing as how he easily unwraps his arms from the blonde and starts running away again, slowly, like he’s unsure to leave after such an intimate moment.

Luke doesn’t chase after him this time. Instead, he’s looking at Michael like he’s the one who’s got someone on his face that’s also making him unattractive but that is nothing compared to the aftershock of emotions that cursed through him after those lips left his.

_Strong._ That’s the only word in his vocabulary that could fairly describe the emotions he’s feeling right now. He feels like he’s being struck by some kind of magnet, pulling him so forcefully and refusing to let go. He looks at Michael, allows his eyes to rake over the beautiful boy in front of him and something else curses through. It’s the feeling, and it’s there _again._

Luke knows the feeling, though he’s never known what brings forth that feeling, that realization that he’s in love, that he’s found the piece that fit into the puzzle of his life. And it’s scary because he’s already felt that months ago with Michael and he’s feeling it now, _again,_ and he could still remember how scared and exhausted and confused he was that time, but he’s somehow set the fear aside because he’s always felt happy after the sudden realization that he’s _in love_.

Michael stops on his tracks and turns around to look at Luke. He’s taking his time, they both are, just staring at each other with faded smiles on their faces as they stand in the middle of a beach and ignoring how they were somehow in between life and death, how the dawn for the following day that’s yet to arrive is just around the corner.

The electricity never stops cursing through Luke, and if this is how _complete_ he feels with Michael, he doesn’t want to imagine being able to feel this way without him.

So he doesn’t. He holds on.

As if a switch has been flicked and the string finally snaps, Michael escapes his trance and runs into Luke’s awaiting arms, breaking the ice between them. Luke pulls him in, arms wrapping around the older boy’s shoulders as Michael cries into his neck, loud sobs muffled by the skin and Luke thinks that he’s overwhelmed with the emotions as well. The wind biting his skin turns warm as he fights back the tears and tries to ignore how close Michael was to slipping away from the blonde..

Michael’s crying was both ferocious and noisy. He blinks briny tears from bloodshot eyes, his thick lashes stuck together in clumps as if he'd been swimming. The tears made wet tracks down his face and dripped from his stubbled, wobbling chin. Clear watery snot streaked from his flaring nostrils down his red mottled skin to his open quivering lips. He looks up at the blonde, green eyes boring into blue as he sees his whole world flashing inside them.

“Please don’t leave me.” Michael cries.

Luke shakes his head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

A single tear slides down from his deep, blue eyes, followed by another one, and another one, until soon, a steady stream of salty tears flowed its way down his cheek, releasing the sadness and heartache that has been held inside of him for all this time but still he did not make a move to take back what he said because he wants to _prove_ it.

The scream of _tomorrow_ is loud in his ears and as much he tries to hold it in, the pain comes out like an uproar in his throat in the form of desperate sobs because he doesn’t want _tomorrow._ He doesn’t wish for this night to end because he fears everything that would come to him once this daydream finally decides to end.

He’s got his whole world in his arms right now, and he finds himself wanting to do anything to keep his world from slipping away like that. He couldn’t actually bring himself to forget all the years they spent together, and just vent them into the back of his head where his memories are supposed to go. He doesn’t want Michael to be a _memory_.

So he holds on, and he holds on so fucking tight that he’s sure his whole life would definitely change after doing it.

Luke drops to one knee, hand blindly reaching for Michael before the redhead’s even got time to register what was happening before him. Michael’s breath hitches in his throat and his eyes widen at the sight of Luke down on one knee in front of him as if he’s going to — and _holy fuck._

 “Luke, w-what are you doing—“

“Shh,” he tells Michael. “Give me your hand.”

Michael starts shaking, sobs racking through his body as Luke holds his left hand with certainty and kisses it, warm lips resting on his pale skin and that’s enough for Michael’s chest to nearly burst out of anticipation.

“Fuck, Luke, what are you—“

“Can you shut up? Please?” Luke chuckles softly, and he realizes that he’s shaking as well. “Just… let me do this, okay?”

Michael nods silently, finally relaxing in Luke’s touch as he gives him his hand. It’s Luke’s time to be nervous now because he’s kneeling in front of his best friend, on one knee ( _one,_ although it isn’t the first time he’s been on his knees in front of the redhead), the box inside his pocket gets heavier and heavier every second, and all the words he’s planning to say are piling inside his throat.

Luke looks up and meets Michael’s eye. And it’s like the world around them has turned into an abrupt halt when flashes of two blonde boys singing to the camera while the other one held a guitar hit him like a tidal wave. Before he knows it, the words are slipping off his tongue on a whim and he’s unable to control them.

“I keep looking back onto the day when you realized you didn’t actually hate me and instead let me inside your room to do a cover of _Check Yes Juliet_ together.”

And that’s not actually how you start a speech about you being totally heart-eyes for one person but Luke thinks it’s probably enough because Michael’s staring at him as if he’s been told that the sky was actually green instead of blue.

“That was four years ago, Luke.” Michael says, hope lacing his tone. “H-How did you—you still remember?”

“Of course I do,” Luke tells him, a smile forming on his face as he realized what he’s finally about to tell him. “I remember it because that was the day I knew I was falling for you.”

Michael’s breath gets caught in his throat and he stops breathing for a while. Okay, so this is not what he’s totally expecting (well, maybe it is, but) to happen.

“It’s been so long, Mikey, I know, but it just feels like yesterday when I first fell for you.” Luke looks straight into those green irises and he feels like he’s actually drowning in them. “It feels like yesterday when I got so scared because my heart started beating a thousand times faster that it usually did when I was with you, but I knew it was okay because that was when I started to realize that I was actually _in love_ with you.”

Luke let’s out a breathy laugh and it’s the kind of laugh you usually let out when you’re so fucking happy to the extent where you start laughing even when you’re not supposed to.

“And you don’t know how fucking hard I had to deal being in front of the camera and not being able to hold your hand and kiss the shit out of you, but I became fine with it all because you were always giving me these looks that gave hope to my heart that you could actually be feeling the _same._ ”

Michael smiles at him, all those words slipping out of Luke’s mouth floating into his hears and bringing flashes of the exact memories Luke’s telling him about.

Luke feels his chest hurting with how hard his heart is throbbing inside, but he holds it in for Michael.

“I fell in love when you told me you loved me, and when I kissed you that day, I knew exactly what my heart was going to go through because I was already asking for more and it was fucking _scary_.” Luke continues, feeling his insides go wild with the smile Michael was giving him.

Luke chuckles again out of nowhere, letting the happiness run through his veins once again. “And after everything as well as the sex that Ashton had to bitch us about in the next morning, I knew that I’ll be alright because I’ll always have you.”

Michael laughs heartily at that, face somehow reddening at memory of their night of kisses and bruises and moans inside that one hotel room back in Los Angeles.

“Every day I fall more in love with you, Michael, and I just can’t help it, because I don’t want to help it.” Luke whispers, squeezing his hand. “But every day we start drifting apart as well, and we can’t just help that because we’re growing up, but I’d do _everything_ it takes just to have you back.”

Michael cries again, lets his tears slip onto the hem of his shirt as he stares at his lover before him.

“I personally think that what we have just served us in a wrong time.” Luke tells him, shaking his head. “I don’t want to be with anyone else but you. I just want _you_ , Mikey.”

“Luke.” Michael lets out a faint gasp when he realizes what was about to happen. Luke lets go of his hand and nervously digs into his pocket, quickly pulling out a small box covered by velvet with the brand name _Jeffrey Cooper_ highlighting the top.

“Michael.” Luke calls out, chuckling and smiling so wide when he sees the look on his best friend’s face. “You’re my best friend in the entire world, and no matter what happens to us, I just want to be with you.”

Luke carefully opens the box using his fingers, revealing the silver band placed in the middle of the jewelry cushion, detailed pieces of diamonds shining as they shine all the way through the icy design. Michael’s tears race down his cheeks as he puts his gaze onto the ring before him, face splitting into a smile when he realizes that Luke was going to put it on him.

“So I’ll give you this ring as a sign of my promise.” Luke starts again, biting his lips as he stares into the green irises in Michael’s eyes. “And no, I’m not proposing, if that’s what you’re thinking. Not _yet_ , at least. I just want you to know that no matter what happens to us, I will come back. I will come back to you, and we will return to being those two best-fucking-friends who hid inside hotel rooms and spoke in hushed voices.”

Michael's sobs has ebbed to a trickle and Luke takes his hand. He gives it a gentle squeeze and takes a huge breath, pulling out the ring from the box before sliding it onto Michael’s left middle finger.

Michael sucks in a large breath and pulls Luke back onto his feet, arms quickly wrapping around the blonde’s waist as he stares into those ocean blue eyes that he’s fallen in love with.

“Wait for me,” Luke says, almost a whisper, like he’s hiding a secret only he and best friend know. There’s some kind of nuance when he says this because all of the sudden, his hands around Michael’s neck begin to shake and there are evident tears pooling in his eyes yet he refuses to let them fall.

“I will,” and Luke finally breaks when Michael says this. The crispy Bali wind that continues to blow around them turns cold as Luke pulls his lover into his arms, cheeks drenched in tears and two hearts pounding in their own rhythm. “I promise you.”

Luke grabs Michael with the back of his neck and kisses him, hard and bruising, tongues colliding against each other as their lips move in perfect sync. Michael’s knees buckle and he grips onto Luke’s broad shoulders for support, shuddering when he suddenly feels warm tears sliding down his own cheeks and onto his cupid’s bow. Luke starts crying, sobbing against Michael’s lips when he feels the happiness sipping through his veins, finally making him feel alive.

“Luke,” Michael gasps, pulling away slightly because he’s running out of breath. He kisses Luke again, tugging him closer to his lips but it doesn’t feel enough. “Luke, I-I—“

“I love you.” It’s Luke who pulls away this time, finishing Michael’s sentence, lips still attached but not kissing. He knows he’s told Michael those words a thousand times already, but he likes the way it sounds and the reaction he gets from the redhead so keeps on saying it, but he does it with his lips this time, and all Michael does is wrap his arms around the blonde’s waist as he continues kissing his best friend. “I-I love you so fucking much, Mike.”

No one has to know how long they spent together in the beach, wrapped up in each other’s arms and lingering promises as the night goes on with cold thick air and a calming sea.

 

***

 

The drive all the way back to the hotel they were staying in was filled in comfortable silence. Michael sits in the passenger seat as Luke finds their way back to _Semara_ , both of their hands intertwined together on the center console, the silver band around Michael’s finger shining and reflecting light against the tinted car windows.

It’s hard when they step into the dark hallway, Luke having to muster up the courage to walk Michael to his room without falling apart and bawling his eyes out right in the spot. They’re standing in front of Michael’s door when Michael kisses him again, and it’s like one of their kisses when they used to fuck before a show and Michael kisses him long and hard before they go out into the stage and walk back into their separate ways.

It’s like an unspoken _goodbye,_ but Luke doesn’t want to end the night with a goodbye so he pulls away slowly, lips still resting on Michael’s and pecking his lips one more time before pulling away completely.

“Thank you for tonight,” Michael tells him, lips curving to a smile. He trails his eyes over the ring perfectly hugging his finger and his smile widens almost immediately. “Thank you for… _this,_ and for everything that you’ve done for me.”

Luke offers him a smile, a smile that he’s thankful for because it masks the way how his chest burns in sadness while the tears start threatening to spill. They don’t, but when Michael looks up he sees it all, sees through the smile and into the dejection deep in his eyes. He returns the smile nonetheless, but it’s a sad one and Luke’s heart aches in seeing it.

“You should probably go.” Michael rushes out, guilt filling his eyes. “You don’t have to stay the night, in case you were planning to.”

_Goodbye_ is at the tip of Michael’s tongue and Luke hears it clearly. Still, he nods his head and glances one more time at the redhead before finally retreating and walking into the dark hallway without another word.

Michael watches him walk away from where he had been standing outside the room. When he closes the door shut, he falls on it completely as he breaks into a fit of sobs and feels his aching heart throbbing inside his chest. No, he wasn’t supposed to let go. He promised the blonde that he wasn’t going to let—

Before he knows it he’s pulling the door open and running into the hallway for his dear life. He feels like he could die if he doesn’t find the blonde any sooner, but when he sees him finally turning around a corner, he runs hastily until he reaches the younger boy and wraps his arms around his waist, clinging to him as his name escapes his lips like a mantra.

Luke turns around, bringing the sobbing boy closer to his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Michael cries as Luke pulls him closer. “I can’t lose you, Luke.”

When Luke takes the redhead back into his room, he decides to stay.

“This is a lot harder than I thought.” Michael says, when they’re both on the bed and Luke places Michael’s head on his shoulder.

“Well, no shit.” Luke chuckles, but Michael doesn’t laugh. Luke senses how tense he is so he kisses Michael’s cheek and rubs circles on his back. “Go to sleep, you’re probably tired.”

“No,” he shakes his head and moves around so he’s facing Luke. “You love me though, right?”

Luke stares at him, searches his face for some kind of sign that he’s fooling around but he finds none, so he brings his hand to Michael’s cheek before cupping his face and forcing him to look straight into his eyes. “Yeah, so much. Didn’t I just kneel and pull out a ring in front of you?”

Michael stares at him and doesn’t smile no matter how much Luke tries. And it’s like there’s a staring competition between the both of them where neither of them refuse to look away, but it seems like Michael wins the round because the next words he says cause Luke to blink almost immediately.

“Then stay.”

 Luke rubs his thumb across Michael’s cheek and smiles sadly at him.

“I can’t.”

Michael blinks once and feels an arm pulling his hip to tug him closer.

“Okay,” Michael whispers, but it’s loud and clear in the silence of his room. Luke feels his chest burn in the word _okay_ as if the older boy’s just trying his best to resist the pain that he’s feeling but he doesn’t point that out. Michael continues looking at him and finally, _finally,_ the corners of his mouth lift into an upward curve as he smiles into the dark. “I love you, Luke.”

Luke feels himself returning the smile as well. “I love you too.”

He falls as sleep with their hands entangled on top of his chest, the silver band on Michael’s finger in line with his sight, and the three words that the redhead used to tell him replaying in his head over and over again.

 

***

 

When Michael wakes up the next morning, Luke is gone. The bed is messy and unmade and Michael smiles, to quote Luke, _“I’ll leave the sheets unmade because it makes it seem like I’m just leaving for the day or something.”_

Michael’s mind races in deep thought as he turns over to face the empty side of the bed, pillows scattered all over the mattress and the blankets hanging over the edge. Luke left. It’s right there in front of him and it’s not just some thought that he had in his head because Luke _already_ left. He’s probably in the airport with Ashton right now waiting for his girlfriend’s plane to land. As much as Michael wants to despise the whole idea and intentionally not get over his raging jealousy of the brunette girl and the lanky blonde, he doesn’t.

He’s too occupied in his head that he barely notices a piece of paper sticking out from his phone on the nightstand. He reaches for his phone across the bed and picks up the paper as well. Opening it, seeing as it was neatly folded, a wide smile breaks out into his face when he scans his eyes over the all-too familiar penmanship and reads the words messily scribbled onto the paper.

_Mikey,_

_Got up early because Ashton threatened to pull my ass out of the bed if I didn’t shower at least an hour before we leave. And this isn’t goodbye, I’ll still be seeing you later when we get back._

_Love you always,_

_Luke, xx_

Michael’s smile doesn’t leave until later that day when they go to the beach and Luke’s finally with her. It leaves his face for a moment because he always wishes that it was him clinging onto Luke by his side and laughing with him in front of the others, but he knows better. It leaves him before it returns again when Luke catches him staring and waves at him, smiling at him reassuringly as if to say _it’ll be okay, we’ll be okay, Michael._

Michael later learns that all things happen for a reason. Life comes with all of its disappointments and surprises but always brings out ways to cope. Surprises for when fate found him and made him fall for the person he’s in love with today, and disappointments for when he woke up one day to realize that life has taken that same person away from him.

He’s alone with Calum on the top balcony of the beach house when he looks down at his finger and sees the ring Luke has given him on the night before. Michael also learns that things would get harder along the way. There will be jealousy, and painful nights when he’ll be alone in his room thinking of how much he misses the blonde. There will be breakdowns and fights. Rumors and leaked pictures about the new couple spreading around like wildfire.

While things are difficult and pretty much fucked up at the moment, Michael continues to hope. There’s always hope, even in his situation. He has a pretty damn ring to prove that.

Michael hopes, because Luke made a promise. Luke is willing to wait, and if he’s still willing to wait after all the shit they’ve been through together, and still go through much more shit just for things to get better for the band, well so is Michael.

Michael has reached the point in his life when he realizes the people who really matter, those who never mattered, and the one who matters the most. Luke matters the most to Michael, and to him, he’d do everything to get him back.

Michael learns that even if today isn’t the day he's been waiting for, he still continues to hope because tomorrow is another day closer to the day he’ll have Luke again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also planning to do a prequel for this, but idk if you want to. Please leave comments and tell me what you think! And credits to lukesbunnyfluff on tumblr for the amazing edit, ily!! Kudos are also appreciated! Thank you for reading! :)


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